Friday, August 7, 2009

This posting is brought to you in part by Michelle, Vanessa and the martini's they were enjoying when they told me all about This posting may contain coarse language and there is absolutely nothing politically correct about it. Enjoy!

Are you a lady? I don't just mean a female, but a LADY? The definition of a lady is as follows: a woman who is refined, polite, and well-spoken. If this is you, and as a lady you find yourself in situations that you may find you have to comprimise your "ladylikeness", stop what you're doing and go to Hire-A-Bitch ( Why send in a lady to do a bitches job?

There are many situations that a lady might find herself needing a bitch, which is why here at Hire-A-Bitch, we have a variety of bitches on staff.

We have the Classic Bitch: our economy bitch, who can handle most small scale bitch required situations.

The Corporate Bitch: Sometimes bitch comes in a 3 piece suit. If there is someone causing you pain at work, Corporate Bitch can step in and systematically break down the the source of your pain. Corporate Bitch will break a C.E.O. down to a mail room clerk in a matter of days.

Cut a Bitch: Are you feeling all kinds of crazy but don't want that pesky jail time? Cut a Bitch is hopped up on meth, is as spry as they come and she's ready to cut a bitch.

Social Circle Bitch: This bitch has a penchant for vicious gossip. If someone messes with you Social Circle Bitch will have your friends buzzing about their nasty drug habit and sudden outbreak of a new strain of airborn herpes by the end of the day. Social Circle Bitch is a sculptor of social paria's.

Key a Car Bitch: Did that jerk cross you and speed off in their pretty new car into the sunset? Key a Car Bitch will set them straight and key their teeny appendage size into the hood of their new BMW. For an extra fee they'll do it in calligraphy!

Road Rage Bitch: That mo-fo cut you off! You don't have to stand for that, but you also don't have to dent your car. We have Road Rage Bitches waiting on the shoulders of most major on ramps. Not only will they cut off that inconsiderate driver and cause a rear end accident, but they will sue them for causing whip lash and emotional distress. By the time Road Rage Bitch is done with that driver, they'll be pantsless in front of Dick's begging for hamburgers.

Social Network Bitch: Social Network Bitch is the online version of Social Circle Bitch. Social Network Bitch will take to the interwebs and turn all 200 of your coworkers, friends and newly reunited high school friends against you by the end of the day. She works swiftly. By the time Social Network Bitch is done with your enemy, not even their mom will want to be their Facebook friend.

Lesbian Bitch: There are so many situations where in Lesbian relationships there are many types of bitches required. Due to the high demand of a variety of Lesbian Bitches, we are starting a new website specifically dedicated to sapphic revenge: (Lesbian Ace Bitches In Action).

If you find there is not a Bitch on our list that you are in need of, please go to our Bitch Box and submit your suggestions. If you would like to work for Hire-A-Bitch, please submit a video resume of yourself at your bitchiest.

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