Thursday, December 31, 2009

Shid ald akwentans bee firgot....

Okay 2009, this is it. We only have 9 hours and 20 minutes left with each other. What shall we do with this time?

I thought about write a retrospective, maybe look back and analyze this past year and all the ups and downs. The victories. The failures. However, I've decided not to.

I think I've learned everything I can from you 2009. I don't want to waste our last precious few hours looking back. Instead, let's just enjoy living in the moment.

Here I am, in my favorite spot in the entire city: Oddfellow's. There are some familiar faces, some new faces (one who is apparently still in training and haven't yet mastered the cashiers station, bless her heart).

The rain is falling outside, it's been awhile since it's rained like this. There are some unique hairdo's wandering around the room.

Just made eye contact with the cute waitress who always makes sure my coffee cup is full.

Up until a few minutes ago there were two cops sitting next to me who were stifling their laughter as I was trying to settle down with my laptap, bag, purse and very full cup of coffee. I eavesdropped on their conversations about officer's that are report back to them that consistantly leave out very important facts in their reports. I try to not let that concern me. It's been a rough few months for Washington cops.

There's a fellow sitting next to me who looks like the Werewolf kid from "Twilight" and I wonder how many times he's been told that.

The waitress just picked up my plates...she really is too adorable.

Somebody just walked by outside carrying a bubble umbrella that looks like a goldfish. I bought one of those for my niece years ago. I miss her.

There's a gentleman sitting in the oppisite side of the room who is probably wondering why I keep looking in his direction. He's just in the way of my view out the window. He just nervously glanced over his shoulder and back at me. I'm laughing on the inside.

Oddfellow's hasn't even been my hangout spot for a year yet, but it already holds a lot of memories for me. Time spent with friends, dates, time on my own writing.

I take back what I said at the beginning of this post, there is something very important that I've learned that I want to share.

I've recently thought a lot about the concept of having no regrets. I've had a hard time oralizing what I felt about this idea, so I googled it. I found a quote by Oscar Wilde:

“Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.”

Then I found this quote by Katharine Hepburn:

“I have many regrets, and I'm sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret…if you have any sense, and if you don't regret them, maybe you're stupid.”

With that being said: I do have regrets. I regret the mistakes I've made, and I would be remiss if I didn't learn anything from it. I believe if we don't regret, we don't learn. I don't think having regrets means you should beat yourself up for the rest of your life, but if you don't take at least a moment to reflect upon your actions and what you can learn from them then how could you possibly grow as a person? I think we need to stop cutting ourselves so much freakin' slack and learn some accountability.

In the past few days I've had a lot of quiet time to myself to reflect. I tend to judge too much. I've forgotten the old adage "When you point a finger at someone else you point three fingers back at yourself".

So here's a resolution for the New Year. Forget dieting (not that I'm not going to diet, going to stay on that one). Forget body image crap. Forget all that surface stuff that nobody really sticks to anyway. My resolution is to work on my inside. To turn the finger at myself more often. To remember when I'm frustrated with someone else, that they are only human and they may be frustrated with me one day and I might need their forgiveness too. I need to listen more and talk less. 2009 my loved one's allowed me to cast my burdon's on them, so I'm thinking 2010 will be the year of paying it forward

So there. Happy New Year everyone. May 2009 bring a thousand well learned lesson's, and 2010 bring a thousand well earned blessings. I know a lot of people are going out to kick up their heels tonight. Be safe, be happy, be wise. I hope that 2010 brings 365 days of non stop wonder.

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