Sunday, April 10, 2011

On Love and Cynicism

Years ago my best friend and I would hang out at our favorite bar, TGI Fridays (they have a great happy hour!), and dream about falling in love. We would talk about how we believed there was on true love out there for us. We wondered if when we were looking at the moon and thinking of them, were they looking at the moon and thinking of us? When we met our one true love, would we know? When I did meet the person who I believed was my one true love, the deep seeded belief pulsated inside of me that this was it. She’s the one; my one and only. I would never have to go out into the dating world again. Sadly my one and only lasted not until “death us do part”, but a chaotically blissful four years. Now I am left with a new question: Is there such thing as a one true love?

I frequently find myself wondering if I’ve become cynical about love. All the lesbians I know are very quick to fall in love, then into a relationship. (For those who cry that’s a stereotype, it’s not as if the stereotype isn’t being perpetuated) I find myself judging my Sapphic sisters (gross, I can’t believe I just typed that), because of experience, I feel it will only end in heartache. Due to this experience (not only my own, but my other lesbi-friends) I constantly preach caution to all who are currently swimming in the dating pool with me: take it slow, get to know each other, maintain your autonomy. Don’t neglect your friends and your personal life, and especially don’t fall in love too fast. Sometimes they agree with me, other times they tell me “you are cynical about love.” In defense of myself, I have to say that I am not cynical about love. I love love! However, I am cynical about fly-by-night romances, and laying ones heart on the line when it’s too soon, and there are too many red flags. I’m not even cynical! I’m practical.

With all that being said, I don’t want to be in love…yet. When I’m ready I think I’ll know, and they will be my love; not my one true love. I don’t want them to worship me. I don’t want flowers. I don’t want 24/7 romance. I want someone to dance in my kitchen with. I want someone to pick out and raise a dog with. I want someone to brush my teeth next to before bed. I want someone to watch a “30 Rock” marathon with. I want someone who, after a one or two years of dating, to move in to a cool apartment into the city and buy groceries with. That’s my ad. Write it up…but not yet.

Until I’m ready for that, the moon is just the moon.

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